Mai.

I'm not liking this feeling of jealousy, of ugliness, of inadequacy. I'm not right, right in my standards. I don't want to look at myself anymore and be drowned in disappointment, in anger, in frustration. i don't want to look at myself anymore. I can't be anyone's idea of perfect if i'm not my own. I can't feel perfect i can't even feel comfortable. I can run forever and still never get there. Not only is there no short cut, but there's no long way at all. there is no path to success, yet i'm still trying. Cynical=me. Disgusting=me. tired=me. confused=me. Disappointed=me.
I can't cry, i'd like to let my tears wash away some of my feelings every now and again, but they won't come. My body can tense and my throat can clench and my mind can whirl and they still won't come, it's like i'm all dried up, like a sad and sorry drought, familiar to our stupid land? home? i love it but i hate it. I love freedom, but i loathe repetition and things that don't change. Things that play over and over again and scenes that remain and the same fucking predictable things happen one more time. What about the things that change too quickly? Those new-age technological super-duper transforming things. The internet? Cars? Music? I wish music never changed, in fact i wish i was me now, in the 70's.

Freedom is one of my values. Tell me your values.
Freedom. It's lovely and it's lucky. i love home.

Frazzled Fried Fucked.


(edited for public viewing purposes =)